Shipulski On Design

Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

When in doubt, put it out there.  Easy to say, difficult to do.

Why not give it a go?  What’s in the way? A better question: Who is in the way?  I bet that who is you.

I’ve heard the fear of failure blocks people from running full tilt into new territory. Maybe.  But I think the fear of success is the likely culprit.

If you go like hell and it doesn’t work, the consequences of failure are clear, immediate, and short-lived.  It’s like skinning your knee.  Everyone knows you went down hard and it hurts in the moment. And two days after the Band-Aid, you’re better.

If you run into the fire and succeed, the consequences are unknown, and there’s no telling when those consequences will find you. Will you be seen as an imposter? Will soar to new heights only to fail catastrophically and publicly?  Will the hammer drop after this success or the next one? There’s uncertainty at every turn and our internal systems don’t like that.

Whether it’s the fear of success or failure, I think the root cause is the same: our aversion to being judged by others. We tell ourselves stories about what people will think about us if we fail and if we succeed.  In both cases, our internal stories scratch at our self-image and make our souls bleed.  And all this before any failure or success.

I think it’s impossible to stop altogether our inner stories. But, I think it is possible to change our response to our inner stories. You can’t stop someone from calling you a dog.  But when they call a dog, you can turn around and look to see if you have a tail. And if you don’t have a tail, you can tell yourself objectively you’re not a dog.  And I think that’s a good way to dismiss our internal stories.

The next time you have an opportunity put yourself out there, listen to the stories you tell yourself. Acknowledge they’re real and acknowledge they’re not true.  They may call you a dog, but you have no tail. So, no, you’re not a dog.

You may fail or you may fail.  But the only way to find out is to put yourself out there.  Whether you fail or succeed, you don’t have a tail and you’re not a dog. So you might as well put yourself out there.

Image credit — Tambako the Jaguar

Even when there is significant disagreement, there is not 100% disagreement.

Can both sides agree breathing is good for our health?  I think so. And if so, there is less than 100% disagreement.  Now that we know agreement is possible, might we stand together on this small agreement platform and build on it?

Can both sides agree all people are important?  Maybe not.  But what if we break it down into smaller chunks?  Can we agree family is important?  Maybe.  Can we agree my family is important to me and your family is important to you?  I think so.  Now that we have some agreement, won’t other discussions be easier?

Can we agree we want the best for our families?  I think so. And even though we don’t agree on what’s best for our families, we still agree we want the best for them.  What if we focused on our agreement at the expense of our disagreement? Down the road, might this make it easier to talk to each other about what we want for our families?  Wouldn’t we see each other differently?

But might we agree on some things we want for our families?  Do both sides agree we want our families to be healthy? Do we agree we want them to be happy? Do we agree we want them to be well-fed? Do we want them to be warm and dry when the weather isn’t?  With all this agreement, might we be on the same side, at least in this space?

But what about our country?  Is there 100% disagreement here? I think not. Do we agree we want to be safe? Do we agree we want the people we care about to be safe? Do we agree we want good roads? Good bridges? Do we agree we want to earn a good living and provide for our families? It seems to me we agree on some important things about our country. And I think if we acknowledge our agreement, we can build on it.

I think there’s no such thing as 100% disagreement.  I think you and I agree on far more things than we realize.  When we meet, I will look for small nuggets of agreement.  And when I find one, I will acknowledge our agreement.  And I hope you will feel understood.  And I hope that helps us grow our agreement into a friendship built on mutual respect.  And I hope we can teach our friends to seek agreement and build on it.

I think this could be helpful for all of us.  Do you agree?

Image credit — Orin Zebest

At the start, it’s impossible to know the right thing to do, other than the right thing is to start.

If you think you should have started, but have not, the only thing in the way is you.

If you want to start, get out of your own way, and start.

And even if you’re not in the way, there’s no harm in declaring you ARE in the way and starting.

If you’re afraid, be afraid. And start.

If you’re not afraid, don’t be afraid.  And start.

If you can’t choose among the options, all options are equally good.  Choose one, and start.

If you’re worried the first thing won’t work, stop worrying, start starting, and find out.

Before starting, you don’t have to know the second thing to do.  You only have to choose the first thing to do.

The first thing you do will not be perfect, but that’s the only path to the second thing that’s a little less not perfect.

The second thing is defined by the outcome of the first. Start the first to inform the second.

If you don’t have the bandwidth to start a good project, stop a bad one.  Then, start.

If you stop more you can start more.

Starting small is a great way to start.  And if you can’t do that, start smaller.

If you don’t start, you can never finish. That’s why starting is so important.

In the end, starting starts with starting.  This is The Way.

Image credit — Claudio Marinangeli

What do you say when someone in power over you asks you to do something that violates your ethics?  Do you say yes because you know it’s that’s what they want and avoid conflict? Or do you say no because it’s unethical from your perspective?  Seems like a no-brainer, right?  A hard no, 100%.  And maybe with a violation of your ethics, it is a 100% no.  But practically, I can imagine a situation where the consequences would be dire if you lost a steady paycheck, for example, you would not be able to care for your family. Is a no to power also a no to your family?  Can you say no to power and yes to your family?

What do you say when someone with power over you asks you to do something you think is bad for the business? This one is a little tougher.  What does a yes say yes to?  Does it say you are willing to do something you think is bad for business? Does it say the person with power has better judgment? What does a yes say no to?  Does it say no to your judgment?  Does it say no to your self-worth?  What would you say no to?

What do you say when someone with power over you wants to drastically expand your responsibility without a change in compensation, authority, or title?  Is this an offer you cannot refuse?  A yes can be a yes to a desire to climb the ladder, to learn and grow, or to work more for the same pay.  A no can be a no the demotion masquerading as a promotion, to increased stress, to decreased mental and physical health, and to career growth at the company.  What would you say no to?

These contrived scenarios were created to help me talk through this yes-no business.  Any company that used the “power over” approach would drive away its best people.  I created them to make three points. Firstly, a yes to one thing is also a no to other things.  Secondly, it can be difficult to know what you are saying yes to and no to.  Thirdly, saying no can be difficult.

If you want to understand someone, watch what they say no to.

Image credit — Kjetil Rimolsrønning

Be successful, but be yourself.

Accept people for who they are and everything else gets better.

Tell the truth, even if it causes stress.  In the short term, it is emotionally challenging but in the long term, it builds trust.

Disagree, yes.  Disappoint, yes.  Disavow, no.

Be effective, but be yourself.

If your actions cause pain, apologize. It’s that simple.

It’s easier to accept others as they are when you can do the same for yourself.

Judging yourself is the opposite of accepting yourself as you are.

When someone needs help, help them.

Be skillful, but be yourself.

If there’s an upside to judging yourself, I don’t know it.

When you’re true to yourself, people can disagree with your position but not your truthfulness.

When you help someone, it’s like helping yourself twice.

There are plenty of people who will judge you.  There’s no need to join that club.

When you stand firmly on emotional bedrock, your perspective is unassailable.

When you’re true to yourself, it’s easier for others to do the same.

Be yourself especially when it’s difficult.  Your courage will empower others.

If there’s no upside to judging yourself, why do it?

Some questions for you:

How would things be different if you stopped judging yourself? Why not give it a try tomorrow?

Wouldn’t you like to be unassailable? Why not stand on your emotional bedrock tomorrow?

Over the next week, how many people will you help?

Over the next week, how many times will you demonstrate courage?

Over the next week, how many times will you be true to yourself, even when it’s difficult?

Image credit – _Veit_

If you have nothing to say, be the person that doesn’t say it.

If you’re not the right person to do it, you’re also the right person not to do it.  Why is it so difficult for to stop doing what no longer makes sense?

If it made sense to do it last time, it’s not necessarily the right thing to do this time, even if it was successful last time.  But if it was successful last time, it will be difficult to do something different this time.

If we always standardize on what we did last time, mustn’t this time always be the same as last time? And musn’t next time always be the same as this time?

If it’s new, it’s scary.  And if it’s scary, it’s bad.  And we don’t like to get in trouble for doing bad things. And that’s why it’s difficult to do new things.

Deming said to “Drive out fear.” But that’s scary.  What are the attributes of the people willing to face the fear and demonstrate that fear can be overcome?  At your company are they promoted? Do they stay? Do they leave?

Without someone overcoming their internal fear, there can be no change.

If a new thing is blocked from commercialization because it wasn’t invented here, why not reinvent it just as it is, declare ownership, and commercialize it?

If prevention is worth a pound of cure, why do people that put out forest fires get the credit while those that prevent them go unnoticed? Does that mean your career will benefit it you start small fires in private and put them out quickly for all to see?

If you always do what’s best for your career, that’s not good for your career.

When you do something that’s good for someone’s career but comes at the expense of yours, that’s good for your career.

Why not say nothing when nothing is the right thing to say?

Why not say no when no is the right thing to say?

Why not do something new even though it’s different than what was successful last time?

Why not demonstrate fearlessness and break the trail for others?

Why not be afraid and do it anyway?

Why not build on something developed by another team and give them credit?

Why not do what’s right instead of doing what’s right for your career?

Why not do something for others?  As it turns out, that’s the best thing to do for yourself.

Image credit — Steve Hammond

In that familiar situation, how did you respond in an unfamiliar way?

Instead of your usual yes, did you say no?

With your regular chair available in the conference room, why not sit in a different one?

Instead of using your right hand to brush your teeth, why not try your left? How would it feel?

When someone misbehaved in a meeting, how did you respond? Or did you?

If no one recognized your different behavior, was it different enough? Why not rerun the experiment?

With the same choices on the menu, what’s in the way of asking for a special order?

Instead of going to the meeting, did you ask someone to go in your place as a growth opportunity?

When you pay attention, you notice more opportunities to demonstrate novelty. Do you pay attention?

If it didn’t create a sensation in your body, did you do anything novel?

When you saw someone respond differently, did they like it when you praised their behavior?

When you have a chance to help someone be successful, why not help them?

When you have the chance to make a different choice, why not make it?

When you have a chance to respond differently, why not do it?

When you have a chance to feel uncomfortable, why not feel it?

One more question for you — What novelty did you demonstrate today?

Image credit — Mike Beales

If you believe you can’t do something, you can’t.

If you try something and it doesn’t work, you might be able to pull it off next time.

If you believe you’re not good enough, you’re not.

If you try something and it doesn’t work, you’re still good enough.

If you believe someone’s opinion of you matters, it does.

If someone disparages you and you don’t believe it, they’re wrong.

If you believe you can do something, you can.

If you try something and it doesn’t work, try it again.

If you believe you’re good enough, you are.

If you try something and it doesn’t work, you have always been good enough.

If you believe someone’s opinion of you is none of your business, it isn’t.

If someone disparages you, ask them if they’re okay and ask if you can help them.

What do you believe?

What will you try next?

What will you do when someone disparages you?

Image credit — joiseyshowaa

How do you spend your time?

How much time do you spend on things you want to do?

How much time do you spend on things you don’t want to do?

How much time do you have left to change that?

If you’re spending time on things you don’t like, maybe it’s because you don’t have any better options.  Sometimes life is like that.

But maybe there’s another reason you’re spending time on things you don’t like.

If you’re afraid to work on things you like, create the smallest possible project and try it in private.

If that doesn’t work, try a smaller project.

If you don’t know the ins and outs of the thing you like, give it a try on a small scale.  Learn through trying.

If you don’t have a lot of money to do the thing you like, define the narrowest slice and give it a go.

If you could stop on one thing so you could start another, what are those two things?  Write them down.

And start small. And start now.

Image credit — Pablo Monteagudo

When “it’s impossible” it means it “cannot be done.”  But maybe “impossible” means “We don’t yet know how to do it.” Or “We don’t yet know if others have done it before.”

What does it take to transition from impossible to newly possible? What must change to move from the impossible to the newly possible?

Context-Specific Impossibility. When something works in one industry or application but doesn’t work in another, it’s impossible in that new context.  But usually, almost all the elements of the system are possible and there are one or two elements that don’t work due to the new context.  There’s an entire system that’s blocked from possibility due to the interaction between one or two system elements and an environmental element of the new context.  The path to the newly possible is found in those tightly-defined interactions.   Ask yourself these questions: Which system elements don’t work and what about the environment is preventing the migration to the newly possible?  And let the intersection focus your work.

History-Specific Impossibility.  When something didn’t work when you tried it a decade ago, it was impossible back then based on the constraints of the day.  And until those old constraints are revisited, it is still considered impossible today.  Even though there has been a lot of progress over the last decades, if we don’t revisit those constraints we hold onto that old declaration of impossibility.  The newly possible can be realized if we search for new developments that break the old constraints. Ask yourself: Why didn’t it work a decade ago? What are the new developments that could overcome those problems?  Focus your work on that overlap between the old problems and the new developments.

Emotionally-Specific Impossibility. When you believe something is impossible, it’s impossible.  When you believe it’s impossible, you don’t look for solutions that might birth the newly possible.  Here’s a rule: If you don’t look for solutions, you won’t find them. Ask yourself: What are the emotions that block me from believing it could be newly possible? What would I have to believe to pursue the newly possible?  I think the answer is fear, but not the fear of failure.  I think the fear of success is a far likelier suspect. Feel and acknowledge the emotions that block the right work and do the right work.  Feel the fear and do the work.

The newly possible is closer than you think. The constraints that block the newly possible are highly localized and highly context-specific. The history that blocks the newly possible is no longer applicable, and it’s time to unlearn it.  Discover the recent developments that will break the old constraints.  And the emotions that block the newly possible are just that – emotions.  Yes, it feels like the fear will kill you, but it only feels like that.  Bring your emotions with you as you do the right work and generate the newly possible.

image credit – gfpeck

Product cost reduction is a good thing.

Too much focus on product cost reduction prevents product enhancements, blocks new customer value propositions, and stifles top-line growth.

Voice of the Customer (VOC) activities are good.

Because customers don’t know what’s possible, too much focus on VOC silences the Voice of the Technology (VOT), blocks new technologies, and prevents novel value propositions.  Just because customers aren’t asking for it doesn’t mean they won’t love it when you offer it to them.

Standard work is highly effective and highly productive.

When your whole company is focused on standard work, novelty is squelched, new ideas are scuttled, and new customer value never sees the light of day.

Best practices are highly effective and highly productive.

When your whole company defaults to best practices, novel projects are deselected, risk is radically reduced (which is super risky), people are afraid to try new things and use their judgment, new products are just like the old ones (no sizzle), and top-line growth is gifted to your competitors.

Consensus-based decision-making reduces bad decisions.

In domains of high uncertainty, consensus-based decision-making reduces projects to the lowest common denominator, outlaws the use of judgment and intuition, slows things to a crawl, and makes your most creative people leave the company.

Contrary to Mae West’s maxim, too much of a good thing isn’t always wonderful.

Image credit — Krassy Can Do It