Shipulski On Design

Holidays aren’t about shopping, gifts, special dinners, or travel.  Holidays are about family.

On holidays, people travel.  They don’t travel to tourist sites, national parks, or big cities for big cities’ stake.  People travel to see their families.

On holidays, people eat special foods prepared in special ways and served on special plates.  But that’s not special.  Family prepares the food, family sits at the table, and family eats the food.  What’s special is family.

Oh holidays, people tell the same stories of old shared experiences.  Everyone knows all the stories, but they’re still told every year.  Sure, the stories are misremembered, but the storyline holds. The family’s shared experiences are reexperienced and relationships deepen.  Family is special because it helps us remember and grounds us.

On holidays, people don’t always get along.  Some of the same arguments arise and some new ones are born.  Tempers flare and then cool. Because of the significant body of shared experiences and shared memories, there are more opportunities to disagree.  And because family creates a safe space, sharing strong feelings is okay.  It’s easy to see (and hear) the arguments and it isn’t easy to see what makes them possible – shared context, shared memories, and a safe space built on trust.   Without these regular arguments cannot rise to the level of family arguments.  Family arguments are a higher genus of arguments; they are noble arguments. Family arguments can realized only by families.

I hope you can spend the holidays with your family.  If not, I hope you can have a great video call with them, have a meaningful phone call with them, or even a funny text exchange.  And if you can’t, I hope you can spend time with good friends who are like family.

Image credit – Craig Sefton

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