Shipulski On Design

Happy – when you can bring your whole self to everything you do.

Lonely – when you’re with people all day but can’t be truthful with them.

Sad – when you see what could be but never will.

Angry – when someone is less than truthful.

Happy – when people you care about are treated well.

Lonely – when you’re misunderstood.

Sad – when you realize a person’s lack of truthfulness will make them lonely.

Angry – when you take things personally that aren’t personal.

Happy – when an old friend visits.

Lonely – when there’s no trust.

Sad – when you see someone break trust and you know that will bring them loneliness.

Angry – when you know someone should know better.

Happy – when someone asks you for help.

Lonely – when you know you can help but they don’t ask.

Sad – when someone is set up for failure and there’s no way to help them.

Angry – when that someone is a good friend.

Happy – when you have your health.

Happy – when you have fun with friends.

Happy – when you spend time outside.

Happy – when you walk your dogs.

Happy – when your kids and your partner love you.

Whether you’re happy, lonely, sad, or angry, this too shall pass.

Image credit – Tambako the Jaguar.

If you don’t like what happened, now is the time to let it go.

If it already happened, it cannot be undone.  Time travel is not yet possible. Let it go.

If you spend your energy complaining about the past, you won’t have enough for right now.

If you had no control over the outcome, what does it say if you beat yourself up about the outcome?

It’s not just uranium that has a half-life.  Everything does.  And so do you.

When you hold tightly to how things are, you get rope burns.

When you no longer have what you had, you can finally appreciate it for what it was.

An unplanned kick in the pants can help you jumpstart a new S-curve when you see it that way.

If you worry about what will happen, don’t.  It hasn’t happened and likely won’t.

If you spend your energy worrying about the future, you won’t have enough for right now.

If you try to predict the consequences of bad fortune, you can’t.  And it’s the same for good fortune.

Direct linear causality isn’t a thing when it comes to people systems.  Propensity, yes.  Causality, no.

How it will turn out has nothing to do with how you think it will turn out.

Trying to achieve the ideal future state is a waste of time.  There’s no way to know what the Universe thinks is ideal.

The future is uncertain and there’s nothing you can do about it.  You might as well not worry about it.

Who is standing in front of you?  What if you spent all your energy with them right now?  I bet they’d notice.

Who is sitting next to you? What if you treated them like they were the most important thing in your life right now?  I bet they’d remember that experience.

What are you doing right now?  Wouldn’t it be soothing to put all your energy into that task? Wouldn’t it be helpful to leave the rest for another time?  Why not give it a go?

Wouldn’t it be pleasant to put all your energy into doing one thing in a row? Why not try it?

What if you put all your energy into doing the next right thing?  Wouldn’t that eliminate some of your stress?  Why not test it out?

How would it feel to be here now?  Why not give it a try?

Image credit — Bobby Magee

Here are the top four blog posts from 2024 with a little summary of each.

It’s not the work, it’s the people. By far the most popular post.  Here are some important words from the post: hard work, share, struggle, elbow-to-elbow, fear, crew, extra load, friend, through the wringer, smile, sad, care, easier.  And I finished with a challenge.

For the most important people, take a minute and write down your shared experiences and what they mean to you. What would it mean to them if you shared your thoughts and feelings? Why not take a minute and find out? Wouldn’t work be more energizing and fun? If you agree, why not do it? What’s in the way? What’s stopping you?

Why not push through the discomfort and take things to the next level?

Projects, Products, People, and Problems.  The post was written within the tight context of product development systems, but I think the tight one-liners have broader applicability.  Here are a few of may favorites.

• To get more projects done, do fewer of them.
• Stop starting and start finishing.
• People grow when you create the conditions for their growth.
• When in doubt, help people.
• Trust is all-powerful.
• Whatever business you’re in, you’re in the people business.

Pro Tips for New Product Development Projects.  This one was one was narrow and deep. Here are the main themes:

• Effectiveness is more important than efficiency, but we behave otherwise.
• Everyone has too many projects and that’s why they take so long.
• Resources – too highly utilized.
• Novelty – too much of a good thing isn’t wonderful.

I’m thankful!  I wrote this for the Thanksgiving holiday.  There were four themes: family, health, time, and telling people about your thankfulness.  Family – straightforward. Health – appreciating our remaining health because we recognize it flowing away.  This one is a little backward, but the Stoics know.  And so does Buddha. Time – appreciation of our time, especially when others pull on us.  Telling people about our thankfulness – this a great way to multiply the impact of our thankfulness.

Happy New Year and thanks for reading, Mike

Image credit — Anna Sofia Guerreirinho

Holidays aren’t about shopping, gifts, special dinners, or travel.  Holidays are about family.

On holidays, people travel.  They don’t travel to tourist sites, national parks, or big cities for big cities’ stake.  People travel to see their families.

On holidays, people eat special foods prepared in special ways and served on special plates.  But that’s not special.  Family prepares the food, family sits at the table, and family eats the food.  What’s special is family.

Oh holidays, people tell the same stories of old shared experiences.  Everyone knows all the stories, but they’re still told every year.  Sure, the stories are misremembered, but the storyline holds. The family’s shared experiences are reexperienced and relationships deepen.  Family is special because it helps us remember and grounds us.

On holidays, people don’t always get along.  Some of the same arguments arise and some new ones are born.  Tempers flare and then cool. Because of the significant body of shared experiences and shared memories, there are more opportunities to disagree.  And because family creates a safe space, sharing strong feelings is okay.  It’s easy to see (and hear) the arguments and it isn’t easy to see what makes them possible – shared context, shared memories, and a safe space built on trust.   Without these regular arguments cannot rise to the level of family arguments.  Family arguments are a higher genus of arguments; they are noble arguments. Family arguments can realized only by families.

I hope you can spend the holidays with your family.  If not, I hope you can have a great video call with them, have a meaningful phone call with them, or even a funny text exchange.  And if you can’t, I hope you can spend time with good friends who are like family.

Image credit – Craig Sefton

Be bold – the alternative is boring.

Be the first to forgive – it’s like forgiving twice.

Be yourself – you’re the best at that.

Be afraid – and do it anyway.

Be effective – and to hell with efficiency.

Be happy – if that’s what’s inside.

Be authentic – it’s invigorating.

Be energetic – it’s contagious.

Be a listener – that’s where learning comes from.

Be on time – it says you care.

Be early if you can’t be on time – but just a little.

Be courageous – but sparingly.

Be kind – people remember.

Be truthful – that’s how trust is built.

Be a learner – by learning to listen.

Be sad – if that’s what’s inside.

Be a friend – it’s good for them and better for you.

Be nobody – it’s better for everybody, even you.

Image credit — Irene Steeves

People try to diminish when they’re threatened.

People are threatened when they think you’re more capable than they are.

When they think less of themselves, they see you as more capable.

There you have it.

When someone doesn’t do what they say and you bring it up to them, there are two general responses. If they forget, they tell you and apologize.  If they don’t have a good reason, they respond defensively.

When someone responds defensively, it means they know what they did.

They respond defensively when they know what they did and don’t like what it says about them.

Defensiveness is an admission of guilt.

Defensiveness is an acknowledgment that the ego was bruised.

Defensiveness is a declaration self-worth is insufficient.

People can either stand down or turn it up when defensiveness is called by name.

When people stand down, they demonstrate they have what it takes to own their behavior.

When they turn it up, they don’t.

When people turn their defensiveness into aggressiveness, they’re unwilling to own their behavior because doing so violates their self-image. And that’s why they’re willing to blame you for their behavior.

When you tell someone they didn’t do what they said and they acknowledge their behavior, praise them.  Tell them they displayed courage. Thank them.

When you call someone on their defensiveness and they own their behavior, compliment them for their truthfulness.  Tell them their truthfulness is a compliment to you. Tell them their truthfulness means you are important to them.

When you call someone on their defensiveness and they respond aggressively, stand tall. Recognize they are threatened and stand tall.  Recognize they don’t like what they did and they don’t have what it takes (in the moment) to own their behavior. And stand tall.  When they try to blame you, tell them you did nothing wrong. Tell them it’s not okay to try to blame you for their behavior. And stand tall.

It’s not your responsibility to teach them or help them change their behavior.  But it is your responsibility to stay in control, to be professional, and to protect yourself.

When you stand tall, it means you know what they’re doing.  When you stand tall, it means it’s not okay to behave that way.  When you stand tall, it means you are comfortable describing their behavior to those who can do something about it.  When you continue to stand tall, you make it clear there is nothing they can do to prevent you from standing tall.

In the future, they may behave defensively and aggressively with others, but they won’t behave that way with you.  And maybe that will help others stand tall.

Image credit — Johan Wieland

If you got what you wanted, what would you do?

Would you be happy or would you want something else?

Wanting doesn’t have a half-life.  Regardless of how much we have, wanting is always right there with us lurking in the background.

Getting what you want has a half-life. After you get what you want, your happiness decays until what you just got becomes what you always had.  I think they call that hedonistic adaptation.

When you have what you always had, you have two options.  You can want more or you can want what you have.  Which will you choose?

When you get what you want, you become afraid to lose what you got.  There’s no free lunch with getting what you want.

When you want more, I can manipulate you. I wouldn’t do that, but I could.

When you want more your mind lives in the future where it tries to get what you want.  And lives in the past where it mourns what you did not get or lost.

It’s easier to live in the present moment when you want what you have. There’s no need to craft a plan to get more and no need to lament what you didn’t have.

You can tell when a person wants what they have.  They are kind because there’s no need to be otherwise.  They are calm because things are good.  And they are themselves because they don’t need anything from anyone.

Wanting what you have is straightforward.  Whatever you have, you decide that’s what you want. It’s much different than having what you want.  Once you have what you want hedonistic adaptation makes you want more, and then it’s time to jump back on the hamster wheel.

Wanting what you have is freeing.  Why not choose to be free and choose to want what you have?

Image credit — Steven Guzzardi

How often do you stop what you’re doing, calm yourself, quiet your mind, and think about what you’re thankful for?

To me, thankfulness is about what I have.  I have a family I love and they love me, and for that I am thankful.  First and foremost, front and center, family is the first thing that comes to me when I think about what I have. I’m thankful for my family.

I also have my health, and I am thankful for it. Funnily, as I get older and recognize my body is changing, it helps me appreciate the health I still have.  Sometimes I get frustrated because I can’t do everything I used to do, but I can still do a lot. And most of the time I’m thankful for the health I have.

I am thankful for the time I have.  With the kids no longer in the house, I have more quiet time which I value. I appreciate my quiet time more after something comes up and I don’t have as much as I’d like.  Sometimes I complain when things come up and I have less quiet time, but I have nothing to complain about because I have enough.  After I get over myself, I am more thankful for my quiet time. And, secretly, I wish the kids were back in the house and I had less quiet time.  Don’t tell anyone.

I’ve found that my thankfulness is amplified when I tell people about it.  When I tell people I’m thankful for their friendship, I’m doubly thankful – once because I remind myself and once because my thankfulness is appreciated.  The same thing goes when I tell someone I’m thankful for something they did.

Why not stop what you’re doing, calm yourself, quiet your mind, and think about what you’re thankful for?  And why not double the fun and tell someone about it?

You can generate as much thankfulness as you want.  And if you give it away, you can always make more.   So why not give away some thankfulness to someone you are thankful for?  And why not make more and do it again?

Happy Thanksgiving and thanks for reading.

Mike

Image credit — Cindi Albright

Here’s what it looks like when the same old tricks no longer carry the day.

Efficiency of effort

• For the same energy, you get more in return.
• For the same energy, you get the same in return.
• For more energy, you get the same in return.
• For more energy, you get less in return.
• Out of energy.

Efficiency of profit

• Increased profit and increased sales.
• Lesser increased profit and unchanged sales.
• Unchanged profit and unchanged sales.
• Decreased profit and unchanged sales.
• Decreased profit and decreased sales.
• No profit and no sales.

Vibrancy

• High-energy citizens with a strong customer focus.
• Medium energy team members with some customer focus.
• Medium-energy people with little customer focus.
• Lethargic nameless humans with no customer focus.
• Nobody home.

Time Horizon

• Long-term purpose, medium-term execution, short-term adaptation.
• Medium-term execution, short-term adaptation.
• Short-term execution, shorter-term bickering.
• Shortest-term floundering.
• Out of time.

Truthfulness

• Truthful communication is delivered clearly and skillfully.
• Truthful communication is delivered less skillfully.
• Partial truths delivered.
• Partial truths delivered unskillfully.
• No truths.

Trust

• Many tight groups of informal networks share information naturally and effectively.
• Informal networks share information naturally.
• Informal networks share information.
• Informal networks go underground to share information.
• Informal networks go underground and band together to protect each other.
• Informal networks give up.

Image credit — philhearing

When in doubt, put it out there.  Easy to say, difficult to do.

Why not give it a go?  What’s in the way? A better question: Who is in the way?  I bet that who is you.

I’ve heard the fear of failure blocks people from running full tilt into new territory. Maybe.  But I think the fear of success is the likely culprit.

If you go like hell and it doesn’t work, the consequences of failure are clear, immediate, and short-lived.  It’s like skinning your knee.  Everyone knows you went down hard and it hurts in the moment. And two days after the Band-Aid, you’re better.

If you run into the fire and succeed, the consequences are unknown, and there’s no telling when those consequences will find you. Will you be seen as an imposter? Will soar to new heights only to fail catastrophically and publicly?  Will the hammer drop after this success or the next one? There’s uncertainty at every turn and our internal systems don’t like that.

Whether it’s the fear of success or failure, I think the root cause is the same: our aversion to being judged by others. We tell ourselves stories about what people will think about us if we fail and if we succeed.  In both cases, our internal stories scratch at our self-image and make our souls bleed.  And all this before any failure or success.

I think it’s impossible to stop altogether our inner stories. But, I think it is possible to change our response to our inner stories. You can’t stop someone from calling you a dog.  But when they call a dog, you can turn around and look to see if you have a tail. And if you don’t have a tail, you can tell yourself objectively you’re not a dog.  And I think that’s a good way to dismiss our internal stories.

The next time you have an opportunity put yourself out there, listen to the stories you tell yourself. Acknowledge they’re real and acknowledge they’re not true.  They may call you a dog, but you have no tail. So, no, you’re not a dog.

You may fail or you may fail.  But the only way to find out is to put yourself out there.  Whether you fail or succeed, you don’t have a tail and you’re not a dog. So you might as well put yourself out there.

Image credit — Tambako the Jaguar

Even when there is significant disagreement, there is not 100% disagreement.

Can both sides agree breathing is good for our health?  I think so. And if so, there is less than 100% disagreement.  Now that we know agreement is possible, might we stand together on this small agreement platform and build on it?

Can both sides agree all people are important?  Maybe not.  But what if we break it down into smaller chunks?  Can we agree family is important?  Maybe.  Can we agree my family is important to me and your family is important to you?  I think so.  Now that we have some agreement, won’t other discussions be easier?

Can we agree we want the best for our families?  I think so. And even though we don’t agree on what’s best for our families, we still agree we want the best for them.  What if we focused on our agreement at the expense of our disagreement? Down the road, might this make it easier to talk to each other about what we want for our families?  Wouldn’t we see each other differently?

But might we agree on some things we want for our families?  Do both sides agree we want our families to be healthy? Do we agree we want them to be happy? Do we agree we want them to be well-fed? Do we want them to be warm and dry when the weather isn’t?  With all this agreement, might we be on the same side, at least in this space?

But what about our country?  Is there 100% disagreement here? I think not. Do we agree we want to be safe? Do we agree we want the people we care about to be safe? Do we agree we want good roads? Good bridges? Do we agree we want to earn a good living and provide for our families? It seems to me we agree on some important things about our country. And I think if we acknowledge our agreement, we can build on it.

I think there’s no such thing as 100% disagreement.  I think you and I agree on far more things than we realize.  When we meet, I will look for small nuggets of agreement.  And when I find one, I will acknowledge our agreement.  And I hope you will feel understood.  And I hope that helps us grow our agreement into a friendship built on mutual respect.  And I hope we can teach our friends to seek agreement and build on it.

I think this could be helpful for all of us.  Do you agree?

Image credit — Orin Zebest