Shipulski On Design

Archive for the ‘Trust’ Category

The time to start getting ready is before we need to be.

We don’t get ready because the problem hasn’t yet kicked us in the head.  It has only started getting ready to do so.

We don’t get ready because we don’t see the early warning signs.  Like the meteorologist who doesn’t make time to look at the radar and satellite images, if we don’t look, we can’t see.  And if we’re really busy, we don’t make time to look.  What if it was part of our job to look at the satellite images? Who in our company should have that job?

We don’t get ready because we don’t heed the early warning signs. Seeing the warning signs is much different than justifying the reallocation of resources because someone says the tea leaves suggest an impending problem.

We will solve no problem until it’s too late to do anything else.

We don’t get ready because we forget that it takes time to get ready.  We do so little getting ready, we’re unfamiliar with the work content and timeline of getting ready.  We forget that getting ready is on the critical path of problem-solving.

We don’t get ready because everyone is fully booked and we have no excess capacity to allocate to getting ready.  And by the time we free up the resources to get ready (if we can do that at all), we miss the window of opportunity to get ready.

We will solve a problem only after exhausting all other possibilities.

We don’t get ready because the problem is someone else’s.  If we don’t have capacity to get ourselves ready for our problems why would we allocate the capacity to get ready for someone else’s?

We don’t get ready because we try to give our problem to someone else.  Isn’t it easier to convince someone else to get ready than to do the getting ready ourselves?

We will solve no problem until we know we’ll get the credit.

We don’t get ready because problem avoidance won’t get us promoted, though putting out a fire that could have been avoided will.

If a problem is avoided, there is no problem. And since there’s no problem, there’s no need to avoid it.

We don’t get ready because there’s no certainty a problem will be a problem until we have it.  And we can’t get ready to solve a problem once we have it.  Getting ready requires judgment and trust – judgment by the person who sees the early warning signs and trust by the person who allocates the resources.  It’s that simple.

Because we’ve conditioned people to be afraid to use their judgment, they don’t use it.  And because we’ve conditioned people to be afraid to spend the time needed to build trust, they don’t build it.

Now that we have these two problems, how can we make it safe for people to use their judgment and spend the time needed to develop trust?

Image credit — Leonard J Matthews

If something’s in the way, call it by name and move it out of the way.

If that something is a technical problem, figure out what’s blocking the solution and move it out of the way.

If that something is a person, try to understand what’s motivating their blocking action.  Don’t call their behavior a “blocking action” but try to understand what’s behind their behavior.  Help them understand what they are putting in the way and why they might be behaving as they are.  And once you both understand their behavior, help them see how their behavior is negatively impacting them.  Usually, that’s enough to break the impasse.

If that something that’s in the way is you, pretend you’re someone else and do the same thing.  Have a conversation with yourself.  Ask yourself what motivates the blocking behavior and then listen.  Believe it or not, if you calm your mind and body, you will hear a reply to your question and learn what’s behind the blocking behavior. If it’s fear of failure, a quiet voice will tell you it doesn’t want to feel the emotional pain or the judgment around failure. If it’s fear of success, a different voice will tell you it doesn’t believe it’s worthy of success or doesn’t think highly enough of itself to give things a try.  If it’s fear of confrontation, a part of you will tell you it’s not confident and it doesn’t want to be judged negatively.  Next, it’s time to fight the aversion to uncomfortable thoughts and get curious.

Feel the discomfort around the fear of failure in your body.  Don’t judge it negatively, just feel it. And get curious about the reason behind the fear of failure.  If you listen, it will likely tell you the reason for the discomfort.  Ask it what it’s afraid would happen if it moved that reason out of the way. Usually, there’s a realization that nothing bad would happen if the blocking action was unblocked and it can be moved out of the way.

Whether it’s the fear of success or the fear of confrontation, the process is the same.  Feel the sensations in your body (without judging) and get curious.  Ask the voice what it’s afraid would happen if it stopped putting something in the way.  And if you can refrain from judgment, the voice will tell you what needs to be moved out of the way so progress can be made.

The process I describe above is based on Internal Family Systems (IFS).  I have found it useful to understand the rationale behind my behavior and help myself make progress.

I hope you find it useful.

Image credit — Joachim Dobler

When your friend is having a bad time of it, you don’t criticize, you empathize.

When you think of your friend, you check in.

When your friend is happy, you are happy with them.

When your friend is lonely, you don’t ignore, you are right there with them.

When your friend is struggling, you check in more frequently.

When your friend is in a rut, you jump in with them and give them what you can.

When your friend makes a mistake, you don’t judge, you seek to understand.

When your friend achieves their goal, you celebrate with them.

When your friend is angry, you ask of their heart’s best intention.

When your friend is confused, you tell them they seem confused and ask what’s going on.

When your friend judges themself, you tell them they are worthy of better treatment.

It’s easy to treat our friends well because we care about them.

May we learn to see ourselves as friends and make it easier to care for ourselves and treat ourselves well.

Image credit — Fuschia Foot

I was invited to an important meeting.  Here’s how it went.

I was invited to an important meeting.  I want you to attend with me.

I was invited to an important meeting with my boss.  Will you join me?

I was invited to an important meeting but I cannot attend.  Will you go in my place?

I was invited to an important meeting but the company will be better served if you attend.

I heard you were invited to the meeting instead of me.  I think that’s great.

Here’s a presentation I put together.  I want to explain it to you.

Here’s a presentation I put together.  What does it say to you?

Here’s a presentation I put together.  What’s missing?

I want you to create a draft of a presentation which we’ll review together.

I want you to create the presentation.  I’ll review it if you want.

I want you to create the presentation and deliver it.

I heard you helped someone create an interesting presentation and it went over well.  I’m happy you did that.

This is the situation and this is what I want you to do.

This is the situation and this is what I think we should do.  What do you think?

This is the situation. What do you think we should do?

This is the situation.  What are you going to do?

What’s the situation?

What’s the situation and what will you do?

What was the situation and what did you do?

I heard you helped someone with their situation.  That made me smile.

Image credit — Bastian_Schmidt

When you want to make a difference, put your whole self out there.

When you want to make a difference, tell your truth.

When you want to make a difference, invest in people.

When you want to make a difference, play the long game.

When you want to make a difference, do your homework.

When you want to make a difference, buy lunch.

When you want to make a difference, let others in.

When you want to make a difference, be real.

When you want to make a difference, listen.

When you want to make a difference, choose a side.

When you want to make a difference, don’t take things personally.

When you want to make a difference, confide in others.

When you want to make a difference, send a text out of the blue.

And when you want to make a difference for yourself, make a difference for others.

Image credit – Tambako The Jaguar

What does your team do when you’re not there?  Do they make decisions or wait for you to come back so you can make them?

If your team makes an important decision while you’re out of the office, do you support or criticize them? Which response helps them stand taller? Which is most beneficial to the longevity of the company?

If other teams see your team make decisions while you are on vacation, doesn’t that make it easier for those other teams to use their good judgment when their leader is on vacation?

If a team waits for their leader to return before making a decision, doesn’t that slow progress?  Isn’t progress what companies are all about?

When you’re not in the office, does the organization reach out directly to your team directly? Or do they wait until they can ask your permission?  If they don’t reach out directly, isn’t that a reflection on you as the leader? Is your leadership helping or hindering progress?  How about the professional growth of your team members?

Does your team know you want them to make decisions and use their best judgment? If not, tell them.  Does the company know you want them to reach out directly to the subject matter experts on your team? If not, tell them.

If you want your company to make progress, create the causes and conditions for good decisions to be made without you.

Image credit – Conall

When you notice someone having a difficult time, take the time to check in with them.  An in-person “Are you okay?” is probably the best way, but a phone call, text, or video chat will also do nicely.

When you’re having a difficult time, when someone notices and checks in you feel a little better.

When someone reacts in an outsized way, use that as a signal to check in with them.  Your check-in can help them realize their reaction was outsized, as they may not know.  It’s likely a deeper conversation will emerge naturally.  This is not a time to chastise or judge, rather it’s a time to show them you care.  An in-person “You got a minute?” followed by a kind “Are you doing okay?” work well in this situation.  But a phone call or text message can also be effective.  The most important thing, though, is you make the time to check in.

When you check in, you make a difference in people’s lives.  And they remember.

Is a simple check-in really that powerful?  Yes. Does it really make a difference?  Yes. But don’t take my word for it.  Run the experiment for yourself.  Here’s the experimental protocol.

1. Pay attention.
2. Look for people who are having a difficult time or people whose behavior is different than usual.
3. When you notice the behavior of (2), make a note to yourself and give yourself the action item to check in.
4. As soon as you can, check in with them. Do it in person, if possible.  If you cannot, call them on the phone or send them a text.  Email is too impersonal. Don’t use it.
   1. To initiate the check-in, use the “You got a minute?” and “Are you doing okay?” language. Keep it simple.
   2. After using the language of (4.1), listen to them. No need to fix anything.  Just listen.  They don’t want to be fixed; they want to be heard.
5. Enjoy the good feeling that comes from checking in.
6. Repeat 1-5, as needed.

After running the experiment, I think you’ll learn that checking in is powerful and helps both parties feel better.  And the more you run the experiment (demonstrate the behavior), the more likely it will spread.

And, just maybe, at some point down the road, someone may reach out to you and ask “You got a minute?” and “Are you doing okay?”.

Image credit — Funk Dooby

If you always want to be right, it’s time to ask new questions.

If you want to listen well, don’t talk.

If you want to start something new, stop something old.

If you want to do it again for the third time. give someone else a chance.

If you want it to be perfect, you don’t want to finish.

If you want to do something new, be unsure about what to do next.

If you want to hold tightly to things as they are, all you get are rope burns.

If you want to teach, find a student.

If you want someone’s trust, earn it.

If you want all the credit, you’re fast becoming a team of one.

If you want the Universe to change, don’t.

If you want to earn trust, tell the truth.

If you want good friends, be one.

Image credit — Sowhuan

When you work in domains of high uncertainty, creating goals for the next year is exceptionally difficult.

When you try to do something that hasn’t been done before, things may blow up instantly, things may work out after two years of hard work, or things may never work.  So, how do you create the goal for that work? Do you give yourself one month to complete the work? And things haven’t worked out at the end of the month, do you stop the work or do you keep going?  If it blows up instantly, but you think you know why, do you keep going? Do you extend the due date for the goal?  At the start of the work, should the timeline have been set to one year instead of one month?  And who decides that?  And how do they decide?

When you have to create your goals for something that hasn’t been done before and the objectives of the work are defined by another team, yet that team hasn’t done the prework and cannot provide those objectives, what do you do? Do you create a goal for the other team to define the objectives? And what if you have no control over that team’s priorities and you don’t know when (or if) they’ll provide the needed information?  What does a goal look like when you don’t know the objectives of the work nor do you know when (or if) you’ll get that information.  Can you even create a goal for the work when you don’t know what that work is?  And how do you estimate a completion date or the resource requirements (both the flavor and quantity) when you don’t know the objectives?  What does that goal look like?

When you have to create your goals for a team of ten specialized people who each have unique skills, but you don’t know the objectives of the work, when that work can start, or when that work will finish, how do you cascade the team’s goals to each team members?  What do their goals look like?  Is the first goal to figure out the goal?  How many goals does it take to fill up their year when you don’t know what the work is or how long it will take?

When working in domains of high uncertainty, the goals go like this: define the system as it is, define something you want to improve, try to improve it, and then do the next right thing.  Unfortunately, that doesn’t fit well with the traditional process of setting yearly goals.

And your two questions should be: How do you decide what to improve? and How do you choose the next right thing?

Image credit — Rab Lawrence

When you see something, do you care enough to say something?

If you disagree, do you care enough to say it out loud?

When the emperor has no clothes, do you care enough to hand them a cover-up?

Cynicism is grounded in caring.  Do you care enough to be cynical?

Agreement without truth is not agreement.  Do you care enough to disagree?

Violation of the status quo creates conflict.  Do you care enough to violate?

If you care, speak your truth.

“Great Grey Owl (Strix nebulosa)” by Bernard Spragg is marked with CC0 1.0.

What does work look like when you prioritize your happiness?

When it’s announced that open positions will not be backfilled to meet the practical realities of a recession, you reduce the scope of your projects and push out their completion dates to match the reduction in resources. And the impact on your career?  I don’t know, but the people that work for you and everyone else that knows how the work is done will move mountains for you.

Under the banner of standard work, you are given the same task as the one you just completed.  Sure, you can do it efficiently and effectively, but if you do that same work one more time, your brain will fall off.  So, instead of doing it yourself, you give the work to a lesser-experienced person who is worthy of investment and help them get the work done.  They get to learn new skills and the work is done well because you keep them on the straight and narrow. And you get to be a teacher and create a future leader that the company will need in a couple of years.  And the downside?  The work takes a little longer, but so what.

What does work look like when you prioritize your health?

When an extra-early meeting is scheduled because everyone’s regular day is already fully booked with meetings, you decline the meeting so you can get the recommended amount of sleep recommended by the health professionals.  And the negative consequences to your career progression?  Well, that’s a choice for your company.

When you get home from work, you disconnect your phone from the company network so you won’t be distracted by work-related interruptions.  Because you separated yourself from work, after dinner is cleaned up you can make a healthy lunch for tomorrow.  If there’s some downside risk to your career, find another company to work for.

What does work look like when you prioritize your family?

When an extra-late meeting is scheduled because everyone’s regular day is already fully booked with meetings, you decline the meeting so you can cook dinner and eat with your family.  The conversation with the kids is mundane and meaningful and ten years from now they’ll be better for it. And the negative consequences?  None, because tomorrow morning you can read the minutes of the meeting.

When you’re on your yearly holiday with your family and your boss calls your cell phone to ask you to come back to work early to deal with an emergency, you don’t answer the call and let it go to voicemail.  Then, when you get back to the office after vacation, you listen to the voicemail and check in with your boss.  And because you didn’t pick up the call, someone else had greatness thrust upon them and developed into someone who can solve emergencies.  Now there are two of you.  And the downside?  Well, I think that depends on your boss.

“Looking For Clues (188 / 365)” by somegeekintn is licensed under CC BY 2.0.